Isn't it Ironic?

I forgot (ha!) to tell you that I do have an appointment with my new neurologist on Thursday. I'm very interested to hear what he has to say. Hopefully it's that I can ride sooner than December, but my regular doctor threatened to call him to prevent that from happening. I really have no idea what to expect. I don't think he'll order tests or anything, but then I'm not the one with the medical degree. I'll let y'all know.

Delinquent, but not juvenile

Yes, I know, I KNOW. I have been a very bad blogger. I've been very busy sleeping and doing laundry. Honest. That's not an "I have to wash my hair" excuse. We generate a lot of laundry; just ask my mother.

So, how am I doing? (I mean, maybe you came here to read about my laundry dilemma, but I doubt it.) I'm really good. I had an appointment with my cognitive therapist today, and she was practically BEAMING about me. (Why yes, I have always been the teacher's pet - why do you ask???) Since I last updated, I've had several appointments with her and my primary care doctor. My progress is excellent, or so I'm told. I'm driving, and it no longer feels weird. I don't lose my car so much - only the normal amount of losing, I think. I don't forget whether I've told someone a story as much. I don't feel fuzzy or foggy anymore. My attention span is much better (so much so that I was able to read the entire article in Vanity Fair about Goldman Sachs and Morgan Stanley's near-death experience - a subject that is not normally super interesting to me - and could probably even pass a test on the content of the article). I'm MUCH less tired than I was. I don't feel as though I've been run over by a truck. My patience level is much higher. (Tim might dispute this, but hey, it's my blog.) In other words, I'm *this* close to completely recovered.

I even tested that hypothesis this past weekend with a trip to Palo Alto to visit my friend Amy. I navigated the airport without getting myself or my luggage lost. I even attended her five-year-old daughter's school's Harvest Festival and manned the bean bag toss without throwing bean bags or anything else at any children. Yay me!

So what's left? I'm not exactly sure. The interesting thing about this last few inches of recovery is that progress is slower and so much more gradual than it was before. I'm not dizzy or barfing or forgetting what I did each day, so it's harder to measure the ways in which I'm better and the parts that still need work. I think my memory is still a bit sluggish, although much, much better. When we were having dinner tonight, I did forget where I was going with a story a few times. In my defense, I'd gone on quite a tangent. Wait, is that a defense? Anyway, I don't think I would've been quite so scatterbrained before, but it's hard to tell. My shoulder is also still not fully recovered. It still hurts to sleep on my right side, and certain movements are painful - but within the bearable range of painful.

The next big test coming up is my return to work, which will happen tomorrow. I'm not setting a definite schedule for myself, but will try to play it by ear and take each day as it comes. My caseload has been whittled down dramatically. I think my boss has given me a pretty perfect mix of things to work on to ease myself back into lawyering. My therapist warns me that there will likely be setbacks and that I will need to be vigilant about monitoring my health. I have a plan - somewhat complicated by the fact that one of my cases is going to trial on Monday - but a plan nonetheless. I also have some lovely co-workers (some of whom might have Attila the Hun as an ancestor - you know who you are) who will be watching out for me. My therapist also suggested having a peer review my work, so I have that lined up as well. I'm cautiously optimistic. I feel ready and eager to jump back in, albeit into the shallow end.

Overall, I have to say that what I've learned from this crazy experience is that I am so, so lucky. I have a support system - Tim, my family, my friends, work - that has been nothing short of amazing. You guys are the best!!

More o' the Same

Tim says I should update here, even though there's not much to update. Healing isn't very exciting. I mean, I am excited I'm healing - but I kind of think it's like watching paint dry. I did have a milestone yesterday. Tim had to go to Seattle for work, so I was on my own with the boy last night. It went fine. It all feels much more normal now. My patience is still somewhat limited, but it's definitely better. Also, I'd like to blame the fact that Elijah kicks my ass at MarioKart on my head injury, but I don't think I honestly can. It's too bad, really - the whole head injury excuse does come in handy from time to time.

I also drove a few days ago. Tim says I nearly killed us, but we all know he exaggerates. I did fine. I'm not ready to head out on my own yet, but it felt like, well, driving. Again, not super exciting, but it feels good and normal, and I think that's the goal right now.

I do still notice memory issues. I can't always remember if I've already told someone something. I also second-guess directions to places I've been a million times. I generally get it right, but I just don't trust myself completely yet. I did get my friend Courtenay and myself to my hairdresser's today without incident, which I think is definitely progress.

I'm having lunch with my boss next Wednesday to talk to him about my return to work, which will be good. I'm not exactly sure about the timing yet, but it's getting closer. The timing of this accident sucked supremely for my work life. I have a trial coming up at the end of October that was supposed to be my case. My boss says we'd just gotten to the point where he didn't have to do anything and could let me do all the work when I hurt myself. That's not entirely true, but I did have lots of responsibility for lots of different things. Hopefully, I'll still get to participate in the trial, but I'm sure it'll be different than I imagined it.

Well, I should go get my beauty rest, because tomorrow's a big day. I have breakfast and lunch plans with friends and then am going to see a movie for a belated birthday celebration. I'm very excited about all the socializing, especially since the extent of my social life today was talking to the dogs. . .

Of Post-its and Birthdays

I'm watching the Cowboys lose right now. I recorded it and am just starting the third quarter, so I'm hoping they make a comeback. All I have to say is that I'm glad our defense is good, because our offense is sucking it up. But my report on Cowboys football isn't why you're here, is it? I think this blog is to keep you all posted on how I'm doing. So, how I'm doing is . . . ok. My headache is back, which shouldn't surprise me, I suppose. I can't quite get rid of it, despite regular doses of ibuprofen and tylenol. I'm also still having memory issues. For example, I talked to E on the phone today and took his order for Burgerville. When I hung up, all I could remember was that he wanted a cheeseburger, even though I knew he'd asked for something else, too. I know that doesn't sound very unusual - I mean, I lost my car all. the. time. before this. The thing that's different is that there's just a blank space in my memory. I can't re-create the conversation or parking or whatever - I just don't remember it. It's very weird, and a little freaky. My doctor and cognitive therapist are very encouraging, but I can't help worrying that maybe my memory is broken forever. I know it's only been three weeks (almost four), and I know I'm so much better. I know that, but I still worry some. I think I may need to have my secretary ship me some sticky notes from the office so that I can plaster them all over the place. (Or I could just buy some sticky notes, but let's not get crazy here.)

As for everything else, it's good. Elijah is settling in remarkably well. He had a quarter-midget race this weekend, and did pretty well. He and his dad absolutely love race weekends and hanging out at the track. He's also decided he likes school. He's really amazing and has adapted to all these changes - new teacher, grandparents dropping him off, being shuffled around quite a bit - with incredible grace. I do love that kid. We also went to dinner tonight with our good friends BG and Courtenay. It was a belated birthday celebration and was very fun. We picked an upscale, quiet restaurant (my favorite one in Portland, actually), and it felt really normal and great. Plus, they got me a card that says, "Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fabulous is forever." Hilarious. I couldn't believe it was an off-the-shelf card - how did Hallmark know?

So, despite my few lingering paranoid worries, life is overall good. If only the Cowboys would win . . .

Peggy's Birthday

Today is Peggy's birthday and I just wanted to say I hope she has a wonderful day. Also just wanted to let her know how very thankful I am that the accident wasn't any worse than it was and to tell her how much I love her. (I say that to her all the time, but sometimes we need to tell other people how much our loved ones mean to us.) There are so many memories that have come to the surface during this time and I feel very fortunate to have been chosen to be Peggy's Mom. Children are so very special and we, as parents, sometimes forget that they are God's greatest gift. So I just wanted to let all of you know how thankful I am for the gift of Peggy and Barrett and Missy and Amy. They, and my grandchildren, make my life so much richer! Love to all. Linda

Ginko for Mental Alertness

I went to my regular doctor yesterday. She suggested a few things, like a follow up with a neurologist and a some vitamin supplements (like ginko, which is billed to help with mental alertness), and was surprisingly minimalist with the expected lecture when I told her I'm planning to ride again on December 1. That's the day the doc said I can, and I will definitely hop back on the horse, literally and figuratively. Of course, Courtney has threatened that I'll be jumping poles on the ground when I go back, so we'll see who wins that battle.

The other thing I did yesterday was go to Gallops, which is the tack store where I buy all my riding gear. I was asking about a new helmet. The manufacturer of my helmet has a policy whereby a new helmet is 60% off retail if you have to replace it because of a crash. I explained what had happened to me, and both of the girls working said, "Oh, we heard about that!" So, just as I'd always hoped, I am famous. Granted, I was envisioning a completely different reason for my notoriety, but there you go.

Incidentally, when I went to the Puma store with Katy yesterday and discovered it was closed, I couldn't decide at first if I'd just directed her to the wrong location or if it was closed. There was no residual signage. That's a very mean trick to play on a person with a head injury, Puma. Not to worry, though - I got my Pumas today instead, at Nordstrom. (I love Nordstrom like Audrey Hepburn loved Tiffany, I have to say.)

So, you see that I'm staying reasonably busy, for a person who can't drive or work. I'll update y'all on both of those subjects after my therapy session tomorrow. Nighty night!

Journal

According to my cognitive therapist, I'm supposed to be keeping a journal of what I do every day. This is supposed to help with my short-term memory. So, a list of my trips to the grocery store and drug store is what I've come to. My how the mighty have fallen - or maybe I overestimate how interesting I was before the accident. . . Anyway, my first cognitive therapy appointment is Thursday. I'm interested to see what sorts of drills she has to help me with my memory and attention span. I have to say, I really do feel better every day, but the short-term memory is still deficient. I went to Walgreens with Katy yesterday and came out with no idea where the car was. I can see how this would be a problem if I were to drive myself. It's also hard for me to gauge for myself whether I seem "normal." I feel pretty weird, so I wonder if I come across that way. My friend Kim assures me I don't, but she's my friend and is supposed to tell me that.

Well, Katy is here to take me on my big outing for the day - to my office to say hi to my co-workers. I'm also going to treat myself to a new pair of Pumas for my birthday, which is Saturday. Technically, I think I treated myself to a Life-Flight ride for my birthday present, but I don't remember it, so I don't think it counts.