Isn't it Ironic?

I forgot (ha!) to tell you that I do have an appointment with my new neurologist on Thursday. I'm very interested to hear what he has to say. Hopefully it's that I can ride sooner than December, but my regular doctor threatened to call him to prevent that from happening. I really have no idea what to expect. I don't think he'll order tests or anything, but then I'm not the one with the medical degree. I'll let y'all know.

Delinquent, but not juvenile

Yes, I know, I KNOW. I have been a very bad blogger. I've been very busy sleeping and doing laundry. Honest. That's not an "I have to wash my hair" excuse. We generate a lot of laundry; just ask my mother.

So, how am I doing? (I mean, maybe you came here to read about my laundry dilemma, but I doubt it.) I'm really good. I had an appointment with my cognitive therapist today, and she was practically BEAMING about me. (Why yes, I have always been the teacher's pet - why do you ask???) Since I last updated, I've had several appointments with her and my primary care doctor. My progress is excellent, or so I'm told. I'm driving, and it no longer feels weird. I don't lose my car so much - only the normal amount of losing, I think. I don't forget whether I've told someone a story as much. I don't feel fuzzy or foggy anymore. My attention span is much better (so much so that I was able to read the entire article in Vanity Fair about Goldman Sachs and Morgan Stanley's near-death experience - a subject that is not normally super interesting to me - and could probably even pass a test on the content of the article). I'm MUCH less tired than I was. I don't feel as though I've been run over by a truck. My patience level is much higher. (Tim might dispute this, but hey, it's my blog.) In other words, I'm *this* close to completely recovered.

I even tested that hypothesis this past weekend with a trip to Palo Alto to visit my friend Amy. I navigated the airport without getting myself or my luggage lost. I even attended her five-year-old daughter's school's Harvest Festival and manned the bean bag toss without throwing bean bags or anything else at any children. Yay me!

So what's left? I'm not exactly sure. The interesting thing about this last few inches of recovery is that progress is slower and so much more gradual than it was before. I'm not dizzy or barfing or forgetting what I did each day, so it's harder to measure the ways in which I'm better and the parts that still need work. I think my memory is still a bit sluggish, although much, much better. When we were having dinner tonight, I did forget where I was going with a story a few times. In my defense, I'd gone on quite a tangent. Wait, is that a defense? Anyway, I don't think I would've been quite so scatterbrained before, but it's hard to tell. My shoulder is also still not fully recovered. It still hurts to sleep on my right side, and certain movements are painful - but within the bearable range of painful.

The next big test coming up is my return to work, which will happen tomorrow. I'm not setting a definite schedule for myself, but will try to play it by ear and take each day as it comes. My caseload has been whittled down dramatically. I think my boss has given me a pretty perfect mix of things to work on to ease myself back into lawyering. My therapist warns me that there will likely be setbacks and that I will need to be vigilant about monitoring my health. I have a plan - somewhat complicated by the fact that one of my cases is going to trial on Monday - but a plan nonetheless. I also have some lovely co-workers (some of whom might have Attila the Hun as an ancestor - you know who you are) who will be watching out for me. My therapist also suggested having a peer review my work, so I have that lined up as well. I'm cautiously optimistic. I feel ready and eager to jump back in, albeit into the shallow end.

Overall, I have to say that what I've learned from this crazy experience is that I am so, so lucky. I have a support system - Tim, my family, my friends, work - that has been nothing short of amazing. You guys are the best!!

More o' the Same

Tim says I should update here, even though there's not much to update. Healing isn't very exciting. I mean, I am excited I'm healing - but I kind of think it's like watching paint dry. I did have a milestone yesterday. Tim had to go to Seattle for work, so I was on my own with the boy last night. It went fine. It all feels much more normal now. My patience is still somewhat limited, but it's definitely better. Also, I'd like to blame the fact that Elijah kicks my ass at MarioKart on my head injury, but I don't think I honestly can. It's too bad, really - the whole head injury excuse does come in handy from time to time.

I also drove a few days ago. Tim says I nearly killed us, but we all know he exaggerates. I did fine. I'm not ready to head out on my own yet, but it felt like, well, driving. Again, not super exciting, but it feels good and normal, and I think that's the goal right now.

I do still notice memory issues. I can't always remember if I've already told someone something. I also second-guess directions to places I've been a million times. I generally get it right, but I just don't trust myself completely yet. I did get my friend Courtenay and myself to my hairdresser's today without incident, which I think is definitely progress.

I'm having lunch with my boss next Wednesday to talk to him about my return to work, which will be good. I'm not exactly sure about the timing yet, but it's getting closer. The timing of this accident sucked supremely for my work life. I have a trial coming up at the end of October that was supposed to be my case. My boss says we'd just gotten to the point where he didn't have to do anything and could let me do all the work when I hurt myself. That's not entirely true, but I did have lots of responsibility for lots of different things. Hopefully, I'll still get to participate in the trial, but I'm sure it'll be different than I imagined it.

Well, I should go get my beauty rest, because tomorrow's a big day. I have breakfast and lunch plans with friends and then am going to see a movie for a belated birthday celebration. I'm very excited about all the socializing, especially since the extent of my social life today was talking to the dogs. . .

Of Post-its and Birthdays

I'm watching the Cowboys lose right now. I recorded it and am just starting the third quarter, so I'm hoping they make a comeback. All I have to say is that I'm glad our defense is good, because our offense is sucking it up. But my report on Cowboys football isn't why you're here, is it? I think this blog is to keep you all posted on how I'm doing. So, how I'm doing is . . . ok. My headache is back, which shouldn't surprise me, I suppose. I can't quite get rid of it, despite regular doses of ibuprofen and tylenol. I'm also still having memory issues. For example, I talked to E on the phone today and took his order for Burgerville. When I hung up, all I could remember was that he wanted a cheeseburger, even though I knew he'd asked for something else, too. I know that doesn't sound very unusual - I mean, I lost my car all. the. time. before this. The thing that's different is that there's just a blank space in my memory. I can't re-create the conversation or parking or whatever - I just don't remember it. It's very weird, and a little freaky. My doctor and cognitive therapist are very encouraging, but I can't help worrying that maybe my memory is broken forever. I know it's only been three weeks (almost four), and I know I'm so much better. I know that, but I still worry some. I think I may need to have my secretary ship me some sticky notes from the office so that I can plaster them all over the place. (Or I could just buy some sticky notes, but let's not get crazy here.)

As for everything else, it's good. Elijah is settling in remarkably well. He had a quarter-midget race this weekend, and did pretty well. He and his dad absolutely love race weekends and hanging out at the track. He's also decided he likes school. He's really amazing and has adapted to all these changes - new teacher, grandparents dropping him off, being shuffled around quite a bit - with incredible grace. I do love that kid. We also went to dinner tonight with our good friends BG and Courtenay. It was a belated birthday celebration and was very fun. We picked an upscale, quiet restaurant (my favorite one in Portland, actually), and it felt really normal and great. Plus, they got me a card that says, "Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fabulous is forever." Hilarious. I couldn't believe it was an off-the-shelf card - how did Hallmark know?

So, despite my few lingering paranoid worries, life is overall good. If only the Cowboys would win . . .

Peggy's Birthday

Today is Peggy's birthday and I just wanted to say I hope she has a wonderful day. Also just wanted to let her know how very thankful I am that the accident wasn't any worse than it was and to tell her how much I love her. (I say that to her all the time, but sometimes we need to tell other people how much our loved ones mean to us.) There are so many memories that have come to the surface during this time and I feel very fortunate to have been chosen to be Peggy's Mom. Children are so very special and we, as parents, sometimes forget that they are God's greatest gift. So I just wanted to let all of you know how thankful I am for the gift of Peggy and Barrett and Missy and Amy. They, and my grandchildren, make my life so much richer! Love to all. Linda

Ginko for Mental Alertness

I went to my regular doctor yesterday. She suggested a few things, like a follow up with a neurologist and a some vitamin supplements (like ginko, which is billed to help with mental alertness), and was surprisingly minimalist with the expected lecture when I told her I'm planning to ride again on December 1. That's the day the doc said I can, and I will definitely hop back on the horse, literally and figuratively. Of course, Courtney has threatened that I'll be jumping poles on the ground when I go back, so we'll see who wins that battle.

The other thing I did yesterday was go to Gallops, which is the tack store where I buy all my riding gear. I was asking about a new helmet. The manufacturer of my helmet has a policy whereby a new helmet is 60% off retail if you have to replace it because of a crash. I explained what had happened to me, and both of the girls working said, "Oh, we heard about that!" So, just as I'd always hoped, I am famous. Granted, I was envisioning a completely different reason for my notoriety, but there you go.

Incidentally, when I went to the Puma store with Katy yesterday and discovered it was closed, I couldn't decide at first if I'd just directed her to the wrong location or if it was closed. There was no residual signage. That's a very mean trick to play on a person with a head injury, Puma. Not to worry, though - I got my Pumas today instead, at Nordstrom. (I love Nordstrom like Audrey Hepburn loved Tiffany, I have to say.)

So, you see that I'm staying reasonably busy, for a person who can't drive or work. I'll update y'all on both of those subjects after my therapy session tomorrow. Nighty night!

Journal

According to my cognitive therapist, I'm supposed to be keeping a journal of what I do every day. This is supposed to help with my short-term memory. So, a list of my trips to the grocery store and drug store is what I've come to. My how the mighty have fallen - or maybe I overestimate how interesting I was before the accident. . . Anyway, my first cognitive therapy appointment is Thursday. I'm interested to see what sorts of drills she has to help me with my memory and attention span. I have to say, I really do feel better every day, but the short-term memory is still deficient. I went to Walgreens with Katy yesterday and came out with no idea where the car was. I can see how this would be a problem if I were to drive myself. It's also hard for me to gauge for myself whether I seem "normal." I feel pretty weird, so I wonder if I come across that way. My friend Kim assures me I don't, but she's my friend and is supposed to tell me that.

Well, Katy is here to take me on my big outing for the day - to my office to say hi to my co-workers. I'm also going to treat myself to a new pair of Pumas for my birthday, which is Saturday. Technically, I think I treated myself to a Life-Flight ride for my birthday present, but I don't remember it, so I don't think it counts.

The Long and Winding Road

There's really not much interesting to write about. Recovery and healing are not very action packed. I went with my mom to Target and Fred Meyer yesterday, and by the time we were finished at Freddies, the foggy feeling was back. I think tiredness and overstimulation are the enemy these days. It's definitely good to have these reminders, because I mostly feel ... fine. A little headache every once in awhile, an achy shoulder, and random memory lapses, but nothing like when I first got home. But the feeling in Fred Meyer and the cognitive assessment are good reminders that I'm not back to 100%. It's been less than three weeks since I scared the holy crap out of everyone I know, so I really shouldn't get ahead of myself.

In the meantime, though, I am getting to spend some good quality time with friends and family. My friends Dina and Adrienne came by yesterday and brought Adrienne's almost three-week-old baby Cameron. He is just gorgeous (good job, you guys!). It was so fun to see them both.

I do miss my friends at work and at the barn. I think being by myself is a little harder now, for some reason. I'm hoping I'll get clearance to drive soon (although not if my performance with the shopping cart yesterday is any indication) so I can get out and about once my mom leaves. And y'all should feel free to drop by anytime. I miss you!

Mom Checks in before Checking Out

Okay, just a few more words before I go back to Texas. Yesterday Peggy, Tim and I went to visit Ilyse, Peggy's cognitive therapist. She asked lots of questions and then told us that everything Peggy had described was pretty normal at this time after a closed head injury or TBI (traumatic brain injury). She then tested Peggy and gave us the results. There were five or six tests that she took and they measured reading comprehension, memory and attention. Peggy did well on the reading comprehension--somewhere in the 80th percentile. On the other tests she was somewhere in the 50th percentile with the exception of one test where she scored somewhere in the 40th percentile. Thus, she came about about average for the people who take the test. Ilyse said she thought that overall Peggy is doing very well considering that it is still early in the recovery process and that she felt like most of the problem was due to inability to concentrate (attention) and that that was very normal at this point. She also said that there were lots of things they could do to help her retrain for attention. Peggy had told her that she still feels like things are fuzzy a good part of the time. Ilyse said that that was normal and that she expected that to get much better with time. So, although Peggy tested in the average range, it is not unusual during this part of the healing process. What it did tell all of us is that there is more healing to be done and that the therapy she will be doing with Ilyse gives her a track to run on so she can measure her progress. Ilyse advised her to take things easy, try to stay out of situations that provide lots of stimulation (she said having a five year old at home is plenty of stimulation to test her ability to tolerate it), rest lots, an d goeasy on herself. It takes time to heal!
I have spent everyday with Peggy since the accident happened. I can see tremendous progress. Yes, she still has some short-term memory problems, and she is still tired, and she is not eating well, but overall, each day is a little better. She wants to know what happened, even when she has already been told, and I think that's important. She needs to be able to integrate what happened with where she is now, so tell her what she wants to know. She is beginning to put it all together, but isn't totally there yet. Be patient, she'll get there.
I am going home on Sunday. I told Peggy that if it gets to be too much and she needs me to come back, I will. So, take care of her. Continue to call, e-mail, comment on the blog, and visit. All of those things help everyone get back to normal. Most of all give her hugs from me every time you see her. Thank all of you for the prayers, the concern, the food, the visits, etc. You've been great. Love to all. Linda (Mom, Grandmama)

Average Jane

I had my cognitive assessment today. It was interesting. It was basically a bunch of tests to see whether and how my language and processing skills have been affected by the crash. The first test was to name as many animals as I could in 30 seconds, which is harder than it sounds. I somehow came up with emu. What in the world? I was in the forty-somethingth percentile on that one. On the rest of the tests I was in the forties or fifties, except for reading comprehension, which was higher. It was good to do the tests and find out that I'm not quite as "back to normal" as I feel. The people around me could have told me that, but it was good to get confirmation from a professional. She feels very confident that I'll get back to "normal" but thinks that some therapy will help. So I'll have weekly appointments for the next several months. It was humbling somehow to realize that I need help with these skills that have always come so easily to me, but I'm grateful that the help is there and that the injury wasn't worse. It could so easily have been.

Doctor's Appointment

I went back to the Emmanuel Trauma Clinic today for a follow-up appointment. It was strangely reassuring. A cute resident handled most of the appointment, asking me a bunch of questions like "how's your memory?" (Me: "Um, good?" Am I the only one who thinks that is a dumb question?) He reported to the attending doctor, who then came in and basically asked them all again. (I'm not that brain injured, y'all - I KNOW he just asked me all this.) The doc was amazingly unconcerned. He thinks I'm recovering nicely and, in 6 to 8 weeks, will be back to 100%. He also showed me my CAT scans. Very weird to see your brain on screen, complete with tiny little spots that are apparently bruises. He says to exercise my best judgment about when to drive and when to go back to work. He said if I were a school bus driver, they'd make me take a bunch of tests and basically get my license re-issued, but since I'm just a simple lawyer, I can make the call. I will rely on friends and family to help me with this, since I'm not always aware of whether I'm "off." Every day is better than the last, but I think my body is still working pretty hard to heal itself. But not so hard that a little red wine won't hurt it. Yay! (And, yeah, that WAS question #1. So?)

In other news, we went back to the barn today. It was fun to see everyone. I asked Courtney to tell me the whole story, but I think she's not quite ready. (Plus, she's already apparently told me; I just don't remember.) I learned today that after I fell, I was laying there unconscious and non-responsive, but with my eyes open. If that doesn't freak you out, to see your friend that way, I'm not quite sure what will. She was convinced I was dead. I don't think it was her favorite moment of her life thus far. Sorry, Court.

Overall, it was a good day. The doctor's complete nonchalance about the whole thing made me feel better. I think they worry a little more if you have something truly life-threatening going on. So now, I'm going to lay in my Ikea bed and feel a little more peaceful about the state of my brain (although I will likely continue to use my brain injury as an excuse when it's convenient). 'Night everyone!

Ikea Update

We're still married, although Tim told me if I wanted the dresser assembled so damn badly, I could just sleep outside with it. Needless to say, this project is To Be Continued. . .

Once More Into the Breach

People, you will not believe where I went today. I, relatively recently brain-injured, apparently lost what was left of my senses and went with my mom to Ikea. Now, if that won't make you lose the rest of your wits, I don't know what will. Holy crap, that store is like Swedish modern Hell. If you've been there, then you know what I'm talking about. Flourescent lighting bugs me, so I wore my super cool, fashion forward sunglasses throughout the store (thank you Amy and Tom Ford!) and honestly didn't stand out much from the other crazed people in there. You can't get out without either going through the entire maze or reading the map (those of you who know either my mom or me are dying laughing now) and you honestly feel like you're going to be spending the night there before you find the exit. It is nuts. The whole blessed Ikea experience (which was a hunt for new bedroom furniture - apparently one nests when one is recovering from a life-threatening injury) was topped off by us leaving the store with forty-seven little boxes o' furniture and suddenly realizing that we couldn't get the seats in Tim's car down. The Ikea dude was super patient and helped us, so we did end up making it home without looking like the ads of the Fiat 500 with all the Ikea boxes tied to the top with string. And now we are facing the ultimate test of our marriage - which is not, as you might expect, trying to juggle childcare and household management when one of you isn't fully functional. No, no, it's Tim displaying the ultimate in love for his wife by assembling the forty-seven boxes of little furniture. If we're still married tomorrow, my guess is we're going to make it.

From a Mother's heart

As Peggy told you last night, yesterday was an awesome day for her. She and Tim went to the barn and she was able to see, touch, and smell Al. I think that was a very necessary step for her to feel better about everything. In spite of all she has been through, she has been very concerned about how Al was doing. (As I understand it, he's getting some intensive training about learning not to leave out steps and I'm sure he's wondering what that's all about.) I wasn't at the barn yesterday, but I know that everyone there was very relieved to see Peg up and about. I can't imagine what they must have gone through when they watch her fall, watched her continue to be unconscious, and watch that helicopter lift off with her not knowing whether she was going to be alright or not. Just like it was important for Peggy to see, touch and smell Al, it was also important for the people who were there with her when this happened to see, touch, and talk to Peggy. (One of the things I am most thankful for other than my beautiful daughter's life, is that in all of this she has kept her quirky sense of humor.) I know for each of them it was an affirmation that bad things can happen and we can and do survive.
Many of you have asked how I'm doing. Well, I'm okay. There are still times when I am overwhelmed with what could have been and I guess that's just being a Mom. I am, of course, concerned about what the future holds and how long it will take for Peggy's memory to return to normal or near normal. However, Peggy's brain injury is the third one that I have dealt with in my life. When I was seven, my dad was injured in a car accident and he never left the hospital. He lived, but it wasn't much of a life. He spent 40+ years in a VA hospital. That accident changed my life forever. In November, 2007, some of you will remember that my husband's mother was attacked while watering her flowers on her patio and suffered severe brain trauma. She was 89 years old. I spent two months with her at Baylor hospital in Dallas which has one of the top three brain trauma centers in the country. I learned a lot. Today, Den's Mom is 91 years old and lives in an assisted living center--not a nursing home. She has some severe language problems (the words are there but she can't get them out) and continues to take a lot of medication related to her injuries, but she is alive, she knows what's going on in the world, and she, too, has retained her sense of humor. So, how am I feeling? I have seen the devastation that a brain injury can cause, and I have seen the miraculous recovery that someone with unbelievable damage can have. I am feeling very optimistic about how Peggy is going to do. I'm smart enough to know, however, that it won't be an overnight process--it's going to take some time. And, does that keep my from worrying? No. She is my baby. She will always be my baby. When she hurts, I hurt. If I could take every bit of this away from her and have it be me instead, I would do it in a heartbeat. So, again, I'm doing okay. I love having some time with Elijah because we get so little of it, I love being here in Portland where I can breathe without feeling like I just breathed in scalded air (it's been so hot in Texas this summer), and I love being able to help Tim and Peggy. I know it's hard for them to have someone always under foot, but for now, I'm glad I can do it.
I also need to take this time to thank all the people in Texas who are keeping my life there going while I am here. For my team at the office, there are no words to adequately express how much it means to me that you have taken over and are keeping things going while I am here. You are the greatest! For my church family, thank you so much for all the prayers, the calls, the e-mails, and the support. I love all of you. (Okay a word to my Sunday School class--don't think we are finished with Chronicles. I already have the next lesson prepared and as soon as I get back, we get back to work on figuring out what in the world it's all about.) For my son, Barrett, thank you for taking care of Sebastian. I know he's trying to figure out what in the world is going on in his life. Also thanks to my grandsons Clay and Shane who are also helping with the Sebastian project. And to my friends Debbie and Charlie and Bill and Gina and Judy, I love you guys. Enough, enough, enough! Linda

Two steps forward

Hopefully, today isn't followed by one step backward. It was such a good day. A red letter day for several reasons. First, I didn't take a nap today (although in the interest of full disclosure, I must confess that I woke up at 10:30). Second, I did several outings. I went to the barn and got to see all kinds of folks, including Courtney of course, and Al. My friend Corinne was riding him, and I don't begrudge her a bit. She's a great rider and is making him behave himself, so it's really good for him. She said Courtney has all sorts of obstacles set up to make him go all the way to the bottom of the jump BEFORE he takes off, thus hopefully eliminating the flying Superman jump that was my nemesis. It was so fun to see everyone and just smell the barn smells that I miss so much. I also went to Target with Tim, which anyone who goes to Target can attest is just fabulous. And I probably went on some other exciting errands, but I can't remember them. Ah, well, the beauty of short-term memory loss. Another great thing is that my shoulder is finally feeling better. I'm actually starting to believe that it really is just soft-tissue damage that will heal, and not something permanent. I switched the clothes from the washer to dryer (not that I'm celebrating THAT per se) without wincing. Not even towels hurt, which tells you something about how painful it was before. It didn't wake me up one single time last night when I rolled over onto it.

A few things that are still frustrating me: I mix up words a lot. I can definitely communicate in a reasonable fashion, and everyone can totally understand me, but my language is not fluid. I think only my friends/those close to me would notice, but I notice and it bugs me. Another thing is that typing doesn't come as quickly as it did. Tim says I'm doing a lot better, but I have to backspace a fair amount. And one more thing - I still have a constant, low-level headache. I could get rid of it with Tylenol, but I'm trying to lower my medication intake.

Overall, though, I am doing so much better. My level of fatigue is tiny in comparison to even three days ago. I'm looking forward to my doctor's appointment and being released to do all sorts of things (not housework, though - ahem). I have no illusions that he's going to let me hop back on a horse anytime soon, but I do harbor a fantasy that he'll let me drink red wine in moderate amounts. I will keep you all posted.

AND some things I don't miss

Okay, on a happy note, here's a list of pre-accident things I DON'T miss:

Laundry - I have my own, real-life laundry fairy. We also call her Adolph because she won't let me do anything else, but I haven't done any laundry since I fell on my head.

Housework - See above.

Cooking - See above.

One More Thing

In the midst of all that self-pity, I forgot to say the thing I REALLY miss the most: a glass of Oregon red wine with dinner. This no-drinking policy is for the birds. . .

Talk to me and make me real

I sometimes feel like I'm in a dream, and this is all happening to someone else. I don't know how else to explain it. My mom looks at me worriedly when I say that, but seriously, how often have YOU lost an entire week out of your life? And I'm not talking about Pledge Week in college, which doesn't really count. It seems like I'm making this all up and will wake up in a few days going, "psych." (Now there's an 80s turn of phrase for you.) Or I will just disappear. I feel like I'm in that movie with Maggie Gyllenhall and the other guy, who plays the IRS man. It seems like my story is being written by someone else, and at any moment, they can decide to be done with me. That seems very dramatic, but I did get a close up view of how fragile and precarious this all is, so now it seems like make-believe. The things that keep me tethered to reality are the bruises on my arms and talking to people other than my family. My mom and I went to the mall today, and all that interaction was exhausting, but was a good reality check. Yep, it appears that this is really happening, that I'm not faking it somehow, and that I really did rattle my brain. I miss a few things about Before. I miss riding a ton. I mean, it's a visceral ache. I love it so much. I miss Al and his shaggy mane and all his affection. I miss Courtney. I miss my butt being sore. I miss being nervous about jumping. I miss it all. I also strangely miss work. I miss having my own little domain, going to the bathroom by myself, my clients (okay, most of them), my co-workers. I miss Normal. I miss not waking up and wondering what day it is or if I'm real. I miss not having a constant headache. I miss no one worrying about me, which is weighty and tiring. I miss silly times with my boy, and not having to worry about bonking heads. Mostly, I just miss my old life. I think it's going to come back, but it could take awhile. In the meantime, I'll try to be more cheerful, I promise.

Today New Things

Sorry, didn't get to update last night. Was too late when I thought about it and couldn't get the job done. Yesterday was a very slow day. Peg slept until 11:30 and got up for about 45 minutes and then went back to bad until 5:30. She told me she was really tired yesterday. We had done quite a bit with the trip to the nail salon and the walk the night before so it's pretty obvious that it doesn't take much to use up her energy stores.
This morning she got up and spent some time with Elijah but is back in bed sleeping pretty soundly. Tim and I have decided that she needs to start having more company and more phone calls from friends and family. We don't want to overdo, but we also don't want her to feel too isolated. She commented yesterday that people had stopped e-mailing her, so start again. Just don't make them too long. I gave her her computer this morning and told her she could get on it but needed to limit her time. She was glad to get it back but decided she needed to rest before tackling it.
We talked a little last night and she told me the dream state is beginning to recede, but she is still having a lot of difficulty believing this has happened. She keeps searching for the last week and just can't get it back. We also talked about the short-term memory situation and I told her that it appears that the most obvious problem is recalling when things have happened. She is beginning to remember that someone has called or been by, but can't put it in the proper time frame. So, if you call her and she doesn't remember that you talked to her a few days ago, don't be alarm--we're just laughing through these incidents and reminding her of what really happened and when.
I think we are all a little anxious to get through the appointments. I know I do much better when there is a plan in place and this waiting is especially hard. I am hoping that they will set her up for some therapy sessions and she can start the retraining process if that's what's necessary. It's still early, but I think it's time to get the ball rolling. (I know, spoken like a Mom.)
All in all, we are doing pretty well. E seems a little stressed about the lack of routine but is happy and involved. Tim has gone back to work and that's good for him. The knot in the middle of my chest is a little better so I'm okay, too. It's just so hard to not be able to "make it all better." Let us hear from you. Comments on the blog are read and appreciated. Love, Linda

Out to Check on the World

Today has been another good day physically. Peg slept until almost noon and then ate and moved to the couch in the den. We visited and she read a while. I made tuna fish salad (one of her favorites) for lunch and she ate some of that. (Her appetite hasn't been great so it was good to see her be hungry.) Tim came home for lunch and we decided that a trip to get her toenails done was in order. We were gone for a couple of hours and she did great. I was afraid that riding in the car would make her dizzy but she said it was fine. We came home and she rested a while and then had more tuna (she really likes my tuna fish or she was starving to death) and waited for Tim to get home. He and Elijah arrived about 7:30 so it got pretty loud around here until bedtime for E. Peg's neighbor came to visit and now she and Tim have gone for a short walk. She's probably done too much for today, but she has felt good and that's a great sign.
I got appointments scheduled today for the cognitive evaluation. So, she goes back to the trauma center on the 8th for them to check her over--not sure exactly what they will do--and then on the 10th at the terrible hour of 8:00 a.m. she goes for the cognitive eval. (Those of you who really know Peggy know that under normal circumstances that's very early for her.) Anyway, that was what was available so we took it. At that time we will figure out what the treatment plan will be for the memory issues. I will need to leave soon after the evaluation but depending on what they decide, I may come back to help her get through the therapy if it is decided she needs some.
She has had very little dizziness today, so that's a great sign. I am interested to see how she will be when Tim and she get back from their walk. I hope the blog is helping and that you're not getting too much info. Those of you who know me know that I'm a little wordy sometimes. Love to all. Linda

Yesterday and Today

Yesterday was a very good day. Peggy slept late and when she woke up she was more alert and involved than she has been since the accident. It was the first good night's sleep and multiple hours of rest that she has had. Elijah was away on a playdate so it was pretty quiet all day. We talked about how she was feeling and if she was still in dreamland. She said it's like a puzzle. All of the pieces are floating around in front of her and she knows they are there but she's having a little trouble getting them in the right order. I thought that was a great description of what's going on. We went for a short walk around the block last evening and she did great. I made her hold on to me because of the balance issues and she said, "I feel like a little old woman." I told her no one would know who was holding on to whom and one look at me and they would be sure it was her holding me up. She was a little dizzy before the walk and a little more so afterwards. I think the inner ear thing is just going to take some time to get back to normal. Her headache was just low level for most of the day and there were even periods when she had no headache. These are all very good signs. We even played a few games of rummy and she beat the socks off me. Today is starting out slowly and with E gone it will probably continue that way. We may try for a trip to the nail salon to get toenails done! She really wants to and I told her if she slept in again and had enough energy this afternoon that we might try it. Have a wonderful day. Linda

It's Been a Slow Day

Today was a pretty slow day for Peggy. After all the activity yesterday, Tim told me her memory was really bad last night. She was having a very difficult time recalling much of what had happened during the day. This is why it is so important for her to rest her brain. So today Elijah went to see his grandfather off to Texas and then went to play with his cousins--Thank you Suzie. Peg stayed in bed most of the day and when she got up she would only stay up for a little while. She told me she was tired. She has also experienced some dizziness today. We're going to have to watch carefully because she has been doing so well with her balance that we were surprised when she almost fell while outside. (She had her shades on and was sitting down but when she got up the ground was not steady for her.) She also took some pain medication today and that's the first time she has decided, without encouragement, that she needed some.
She had a little company tonight and did okay. So, all in all it was a slow but okay day.
I was able to make her appointment with the Trauma Center for the 8th of September and at that time they will schedule something with the Cognitive testing people to get a baseline for where she is. I will probably call them tomorrow and see if we can go ahead and get something set up so I can figure out what my schedule is going to be. I am reluctant to leave until the evaluation has taken place. So, again, this is not going to be a sprint but rather a marathon--slow and steady. As always thanks for the prayers, cards, calls, and words of encouragement. All of it helps. Linda

Day 5

Today has been another good day. Peggy slept in and then got up around 10:30 this morning. She has not really been to sleep since then. She has rested some, but not much. She is working very hard to convince all of us that she is okay. She is very bored and all of us know that's a very bad thing. So, today she had read a little, sat outside in the shade with her shades on, talked on the phone, and messed with her blackberry some. I didn't catch her using the computer but with a blackberry, who needs a computer, right? Her friends asked her what they should call me and she, with her usual sense of humor (I hope) said, "Just call her Aldoph."

Short-term memory is about the same. Her balance is better. She was really tired tonight and was moving slower than she had been during the day. I expect that tomorrow she may not be quite as energetic as she was today. I'm hoping she will have a long night's sleep and then sleep in again tomorrow. Her dad has been here since Friday and has been Elijah's best friend. They have played with the Wii, gone to the park, gone to the racetrack (for those of you who aren't aware, Elijah races quarter midgets in the 5 year-old age range) to show off Elijah's skills, and generally had lots of fun. (Howard, Peggy's dad told me I didn't need to go see Elijah race because my heart probably couldn't take another disaster.) Howard goes home tomorrow so we're looking for things to keep a very busy 5 year old occupied.

Tim may or may not go back to work tomorrow. He is still very worried and a bit afraid to leave her. They are so close to each other and I think she feels better just knowing he's close by. He's only about 20 minutes away, so he can get here pretty quickly should the need arise. Whatever he decides will be what's best for both of them.

I've had a full day so I'm signing off for now. More tomorrow. Wish me luck with getting her follow up appointment set. They aren't going to like it if I show up at the Trauma Center in person! Thank you all for the prayers, the positive thoughts, and the love. Keep them coming. Love, Linda

A Good Day

Today has been an awesome day. Much better than yesterday. Her memory is much better today and she says she feels better. Her shoulder has continued to bother her and she says she still feels like this is all a dream, but she has been awake most of the day and has not crashed after being involved with one of us. She is pretty bored with all of this quiet time and I think that's a good sign. I am hoping that all of the activity today does not cost her tomorrow but I guess we will cross that bridge tomorrow. It's been a long day so I'll sign out for now. Peggy's Mom, Linda

On Tuesday, August 25, Peggy was participating in the Northwest Spectacular Horse Show and was it very spectacular! She was riding her horse, Al, and approaching a jump when Al missed a step and lunged unexpectedly. Peggy's head hit his head and she was knocked unconscious. She slid from his back and fell to the arena floor hitting her right shoulder and the right side of her head. The paramedics were at the scene but were unable to bring her around. The life flight helicopter was called and she was transported to Legacy Emanuel Hospital where she remained unconscious. As she began to wake up she became very combative (I know that's hard to believe) and had to be intubated and placed in a medical sleep in order for them to run the CT scans that were necessary. Apparently from the blow and the fall her brain did a little bouncing around and was bruised in five places. She also suffered a small skull fracture to the lower left base of her skull. She remained intubated for several hours and was then extubated and began to breathe on her own when those of you who had arrived at the hospital started talking to her per the doctor's instructions in order to keep her awake and breathing. (She doesn't remember any of this but it's my understanding that she was pretty entertaining during this time.) She went back to sleep and woke up momentarily to say "Hi Mom" when I arrived at 10:30 p.m. from Texas. (Tim called me before the helicopter had gotten her to the hospital and I was on the first flight I could get--scared to death to say the least.) At around 3:40 a.m. she came around again and the first words were, "What in the World?" She was very disoriented couldn't figure out where she was or how she got there. She did not remember anything that had happened since that morning when she arrived at the horse show. She stayed awake for about 30 minutes and then went back to sleep. When she awoke she continued to be disoriented and her short-term memory was not working very well. (Long-term was and is fine—she can quote any law statute you want to know about!) About 7:00 a.m. the hospital decided they needed her ICU space and began the process of moving her to a regular room. We arrived in the room around 8:00 a.m. and were then ignored by the doctors until 7:00 p.m. Needless to say, Tim and I were pretty upset. When the doctor finally arrived, he was surprised and apologetic that no one had been in to see her or to keep us posted on what to expect. At that time Peggy was still throwing up and was very dizzy. As the evening progressed, the nausea improved but the dizziness was pretty bad. The physical therapist came in and explained that the blow to the head had caused some inner ear dysfunction and that he would help her with that if it didn’t improve (It’s called having rocks in your ear.) The occupational therapist came in and ran Peggy through some exercises that confirmed her short-term memory is not yet up to par.
On Thursday, the physical therapist came back and did some head manipulation to improve the dizziness—it has helped tremendously. The doctor came in and said he was going to dismiss her because she needed to be at home where it would be quieter (you know she has a very active 5 year old), there would be less light, and less stimulation and she would be much happier in her own surroundings. He said patients with Traumatic Brain Injuries do much better when they are home. So, we left the hospital around noon. She was very happy to be home.
Now, here’s the hard part. She’s home, but for the next 7-10 days we were told she was to have very little brain stimulation because her brain needs rest to heal. That translates to no TV, no reading, low light, low voices, and not much interaction. It has been very hard for her and all of you not to want to interact. I have become the “interaction cop” and monitor how much activity she can have. We have discovered that when she has visitors she rises to the occasion and will interact as long as they will stay. When they leave, she goes to sleep and will sleep for two to three hours. So, what we are asking from everyone is that they call to see if a visit is possible and if it is then to come for five to ten minutes to say “hi” and sit with her for a while. It’s important talk in a low voice and not to stimulate her too much. We will probably continue to screen visits to two or three a day until the end of next week. We are still trying to get an appointment set up. Once she goes back to see the doctor, then I think the visitation situation will get much better. I know that there are a lot of people who love her and just want to make sure she is okay and that this is really hard on everyone. She is making progress and is getting pretty bored with all of this, but this may be the most important thing she does to help heal her brain and ultimately that’s what all of us want.
So, keep calling so we can tell her you did. Send cards and leave voice messages. She loves hearing from you. I’ll keep you posted through the blog and you can call here at the house anytime you want. Thank you so much for your love and concern and most importantly thank you for your prayers. They have been received, felt, and are working. God is good.